connection Archives - Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer

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Connect in Inches. Engage in Yards

Each day we interact with countless people, exchanging pleasantries as we proceed. “How are you?” How was your weekend?” “What’s new?” “How was school today?”

And as we are asking, we anticipate their one-word responses: “Good” “Great” “Nothing” “Fine.”

1-inch questions yield 1-inch responses. And yet these quick interactions are vital to our survival, ensuring we connect with cordiality, but without getting stuck confabulating. 1-inch questions allow us to converse while moving, and transact while multi-tasking.

But to engage with others, we must evolve the 1-inch conversation using Yardstick questions:

  • Really? What was that like?
  • What did you learn?
  • What was your experience?
  • Anything surprise you?
  • Interesting. Tell me more.

 

Yardstick questions force us to pause for a person, intentionally making the moment about the other person. Suddenly, we are listening as if our relationship depends on it. When we authentically ask Yardstick questions, we become curious, eager, and present – not knowing what we will discover.

Yardstick questions demonstrate our commitment, while Yardstick answers reveal volumes about the other person. The result is transformational, not just transactional.

  • We care about them.
  • So they trust us.
  • And then they share.
  • Which bolsters our connection.
  • And fuels our trust.
  • And then they care about us.

 

When we need to get by people, we ask 1-inch questions. When we need to get into people, we ask Yardstick questions.

1-inch questions create transactional connections. Yardstick questions create transformational engagement.

It’s Hard to Distrust Up Close

In the National Geographic documentary entitled, Gender Revolution, the host Katie Couric, quoting Dr. Oz, emphasized, “It’s hard to hate up close.”

Such a powerful statement. Think of the prolific hatred online, people passing judgment over complete strangers while hiding behind a keyboard…

What does this have to do with our commitment to lead while managing? Everything.

It’s not just hard to hate up close; it’s hard to distrust up close.

As managers who lead, we are in a constant battle with distrust – it rages like wildfire. And when distrust looms, it is nearly impossible for us to make a difference with people.

So how does “up close” alter distrust?

Disconnection breeds distrust. The more disconnected people are from each other, the more they assume, speculate, and postulate. Essentially we make up stories. And unchecked, stories yield suspicion and distrust.

But when we are “up close” with people, we get to know them and they get to know us. We discover their experiences, we invalidate our stories. And from this personal connection, trust flourishes.

So our priority needs to be: get up close with our people.

  • Be curious about others
  • Ask about their experiences – personally and professionally
  • Stop relying on email and texts to connect and communicate
  • Pick up the phone
  • Use video conferencing (this is a game-changer for my team)
  • Show up in person – be with people
  • Seek their side of the story
  • Address conflict intentionally
  • Create together – plans, ideas, solutions

 

As we connect with people personally, our assumptions, fabrications, and speculations about them – and theirs about us – evaporate. And that allows trust to prosper.

We just need to get up close.